i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
