Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
