Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
