She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
