You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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