a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
