So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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