As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
