dude i'm inner monologue high
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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