i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
well you can't waste a boner
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
