i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the condom got lost in my hair
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
