my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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