All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
