The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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