I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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