i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
