That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
