Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
