I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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