Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
