Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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