if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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