I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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