The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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