She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
