his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
