you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
