WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
