he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
