U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
