Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
