so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
