So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
