Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
