oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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