please come you make the beer taste better
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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