Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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