He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
