I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
