I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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