Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
