I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
