it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
