you didnt know i had herpes?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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