Betty ford says i'm here all night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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