4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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