I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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