Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
