Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
