Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize