So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
