he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
