so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
