mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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