i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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