Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
sex in a hospital.. check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize