We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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