I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
