you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
