I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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