Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize