Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
