Sry I called you an 8
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
