i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
