Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
