Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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