I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
