I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
