I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
