whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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