Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
