Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
