Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
