So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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