we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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