I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
