would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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