Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
