So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
