According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
