im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
